Post-divorce, I became a bit of a potty mouth. Now, if you knew me before divorce or even knew my music, I was as clean as clean got with my language. I told fellow songwriters I would not write about parties or anything having to do with alcohol or drugs because it just wasn't me. And the thing is, while I drink wine with dinner, I am still not into parties or drugs. But, I am a little more free with my words.
If you're offended right now, I'm sorry. I am absolutely no stranger to being intensely verbally guarded...almost even afraid of bad words 😬. If you're being offended makes you want to stop reading like RIGHT NOW, I urge you to stay a little bit longer.
Here's what I've learned about language: Curse words/cuss words/whatever you call them...they are the most transparent of them all. They come fully dressed, nothing hidden in their pockets or their purses. They are what they claim to be. Raw.
How you use them is the key. And when. Timing is important.
There are a lot of other words out there that claim to be "good" but really aren't. Sometimes self-doubt, control, fear, shame...they can come dressed as truth or even a compliment! And these are the words I am now most wary of. The ones I always assumed were for my benefit. Or maybe that I deserved them.
My use of cuss words is not to shock and awe. They are not gratuitous, but rather when I use one, it's simply the most accurate word I can find, the one I feel works best.
These days, no matter if it's on my social media, on this blog, in my courses or in my regular conversations, my plea for myself is that I do not sugarcoat anything just to please someone or make it more "palatable or comfortable" for someone else. As Lizzo says, "truth hurts", but I really want to make sure I am not focused on how truth makes me look. It is what it is.
If you're still offended: just a little more. Promise.
10 THINGS THAT ARE WORSE THAN "SHIT"
1. degrading remarks
2. a mean-spirited laugh when you're trying to show vulnerability
3. shhhing someone in a way that really suggests to "shut up"
4. putting someone in his/her place
5. condesending
6. body shaming
7. dismissing
8. unnecessary blaming or guilting
9. gas lighting (when someone manipulates you feel like you're going crazy or you're losing your memory over time.)
10. being someone outside the home and someone else at home (usually better outside to put up a positive front)
These are way worse because they scar. They are subliminal, sometimes subtle. And what they say to you while you're busy shaking it off like Taylor Swift is that you're not worthy, you're not smart, you're not good enough, you're not...fill in the blank.
Curse words ain't hiding or manipulating **Unless they are shouted at you. Then that's verbal abuse. But that's not what we are talking about here. We are talking about the simple use of a curse word vs. trying to sugarcoat or water down what you really mean.
Ok, that's all I got today.